How to Waste More Time and Further Reduce Your Productivity and Mental Capacity SF Style

  • Continue spending at least 2 hours a day on Facebook, posting useless comments, trivial photos, and filling your timeline with utterly mundane updates;
  • Send at least 500 unnecessary, pointless text messages and gchat messages per day;
  • Refreshing e-mail every 10 minutes while at work, instead of doing the work.
  • Stare at your smartphone screen instead of the world around you at least 2 more hours per day, including during lunch and on your way to and from work;
  • Spend at least 3 hours a week at happy hours, drinking and talking about nothing with people you don’t really care all that much about;
  • Spend at least 30 minutes a day on the phone venting to your friend/s about how busy and stressed out you are by your soul-sucking job and/or dramatic boyfriend/girlfriend;
  • Spend at least one hour a week watching football/baseball;
  • Drive over three hours to hike for two hours at an area very similar to that which you can find 30 minutes away; 
  • Repeat all of the above till you completely brain dead. I promise you it will happen sooner than you think.

daytime drinking san francisco

How We Miserably Fell Behind in the Happy Hour Department

dancing around fireWe may have been launching sattelites further up in the sky than ever before, we learned how to use less gasoline, are on our way to making just anything wireless and wi-fi, and we turned our mobile phones virtually into an extension of our bodies and minds, and yet in one important area of life not only have we not reached any development but we have miserably fell behind and actually regressed  – how we spend our free time. I am not talking about traveling or going to concerts and shows, but I am talking about the most common entertainment – going out to happy hours and bars. It appears to me that our evolutionary predecessors knew how to throw a much better party than we do today – thousands of years later.

Sitting outdoors in open air around the bonfire, having a fresh meal made of simple ingedients, telling fascinating stores in front of others that have moral value, preying to any higher power, and then letting go by dancing/jumping around the fire to a drum beat that moves your body and soul and makes you feel like you truly unwind sounds like a far better “happy hour” than having a small talk over a beer in one of the cheesy, stuffy Irish bars that reeking with smell of stale beer, or pretending that you are having a good time at one of the local clubs that smell like puke, that are devoid of any character or energy, as they are full of alcoholics in denial who are so easily entertained by the mainstream, mediocre fashion and music that actually eliminates any desire to move.   happy hour in San Francisco

I think that if those “primitive” people saw how the “happy hour” evolved over the hundreds or thousands of years and what our idea of happy hour is, they would be quite disappointed in the human kind and would have felt lucky to not have lived to see this yet another aspect of our cultural decay.

Happy Hour Douchery: 007 at Americano

douchebags at Americano

007 texting at Americano.

San Francisco is known for many things – scenic beauty, non-subsiding homelessness, relentless urine smell all around downtown, hippies and weirdos who think they are unique and special, street dancers and street musicians, angry bicyclist, angry drivers, angry pedestrians, angry bus passengers, angry bus drivers, and angry cab drivers. However, shortage of posers is not one of them. Just go to any happy hour downtown and you are guaranteed to see a few men who radiate obnoxious energy of a human peacock.I am not sure how long looking like a total douche has been in style, but it still goes strong in San Francisco, even among the men of an age and stage in their life when you would think they should know better. Is it their attempt to stay and look like they are still in their twenties?  Is it their misguided belief that by standing with a drink at a happy hour they are going to come across as mysterious, just because they wear sun shades and a sports coat? Putting too much effort to look cool in all the wrong ways mostly achieves one effect on the vast majority of normal women: it hurts their orbital areas by making them roll their eyes too far up when they see someone like that. They know that the guy ain’t James Bond if he stands with a drink at a bar fro 3 hours, talking about nothing with his buddies.  But then again, there is a kind of women (douchettes) that probably digs the James Bond wannabes.

Dressing up to get drunk is one of the common hobbies among “accomplished” men in San Francisco. Some would claim that that’s the only  thing that bonds men in San Francisco, and any other related activity, such as having dinner or appetizers, or watching baseball/football is just an excuse to get shitfaced. peacock

These men need a loud wake up call. They need to be reminded that while getting drunk in college was cool, getting drunk in their late twenties were irresponsible, getting drunk in their 30’s, 40’s and 50’s is downright pathetic, dwarfing any professional accomplishments they think they have achieved. If professional success doesn’t lead to personal or spiritual growth and doesn’t turn the guy into some kind of role model when it comes to personal standards and conduct, then at the end of the day – what’s the point of that success anyway?