One of the saddest and the more socially disturbing trends in San Francisco has been the decline of masculinity among the city’s straight men as it related to their relationships with women. I believe that there are 10 major reasons that have contributed to men becoming softer, more passive and less “manly” in their interactions with women:
1. Being needed by a woman and feeling like you are needed by a woman is a fundamental part of feeling like a man and actually being a man. I hate to go cliche on you, but for thosands of years women sought financial, physical and emotional support from men. That didn’t make them desperate or needy or in any way unattractive. It was a natural order of things. Women actually enjoyed needing men and showing to men that they want them. As women became more professionally accomplished and finacially secure, holding various executive positions in cutting edge industries in the San Francisco area, their need for that kind of support has declined and for some – completely disappeared. Many of thosee professional women have important jobs, a large group of friends to go out with and socialize in any setting, and money to spend that keeps them busy shopping, dining, etc. As a result, meeting and dating men goes many steps down in their list of priorities. Many of these women are too stressed out and are too busy to even seriously thinkg about dating with their coporate meetings, business travel, and client calls. Just a few years ago, women complained that they didn’t like when men asked them out by text instead of calling. Now, women actually prefer being courted by texting and respond to men’s call with texts. This sounds anti-romantic and pathetic on so many levels, but it is what it is. And by the way, I fully support and embrace equal rights among all sexes (does anyone know how many of those we have here in SF?), but I resent some of the social side affects of this equality that either kill any chance of romance or don’t even let it spark in the first place.
2. Work related stress and fatigue reduce women’s sex drive. A woman who is not interest in sex and the associated physical intimacy is going to be even less nice and less interested in meeting and dating men. Men notice this kind of lack of enthusiasm in women’s behavior and it is quite discouraging to them.
3. The men in San Francisco are confused by women’s behavior. Look around yourself downtown. There are so many attractive women. Many of them dress as provocatively as they possibly can, wearing clothing that’s either very revealing or very tight or both. Between tight jeans and boots, boots and skirts, booty shorts, and yoga pants – a guy who walks downtown SF, especially on a warmer day, can find a dish for every male fetish – form a yoga/fitness girl to a naughty Banana Republic librarian. And yet the body language and the mannerisms of those women is completely not in synch with their style. Most of them look stuck up, angry and unapproachable, hiding behind tons of make-up, sunglasses and headphones whenever and wherever they are. They don’t make eye contact with anyone and do everything they can to isolate themselves from the world around them, not allowing any chance to have any kind of casual interaction with the people around them. This is yet another discouraging sign to men that their interest is not welcome or even repugnant to all those women. Whether it’s true or not is a different question, but men cannot simply disregard this unfriendly energy. Many men don’t realize that just because a woman looks sexy or has a sex appeal doesn’t mean that she is a sexual person. In fact, often the opposite is true. The sexiest women in this city appear to be disinterested in the world around them. They cat-walk down the street in their high heels as if they were on a fashion show runway, but this doesn’t translate into physical passion and desire, or even mere curiousity.
4. Many of these ambitious, accomplished women believe that they are God’s gift to this world. They take themselves way too seriously. They can’t take an inappropriate joke or laugh at themselves. They don’t get raw sarcasm. Being on a mission to prove to the world that they can do anything and everything a man can and more, they are hypersensitive and argumentative. They tend to challenge men just for the sake of challenging them. A guy who goes out with a woman like that will soon realize that the only way to get along with her is to be extremely proper, diplomatic and politically correct. Walking on eggshells is often the best policy if he wants to get laid. A man who walks on eggshells with several women will adopt this kind of behavior in the future. However, the same overly polite and accommodating behavior will be perceived as unattractive and boring to those women who are in touch with their femininity and who have not become victims of excessive feminism.
5. Jaded women (and men). Too much dating means too much sex, too much bad sex, and too many disappointments in the opposite sex. After so many disappointments, women start believing that all the male kind is the same and it’s all lame, so why even bother and hope for tha prince in a shining armor. That kind of jadedness makes women act and look even more unfriendly and bitter, assuming the worst about every guy who dares to glance at them.
6. Sterile workplace. Men are trained to act like innocent, nutered little puppies at work. The scare of sexual harassment makes most companies have policies that take harassment pevention way too far. In many companies, you can get disciplined or fired for an innocent, funny sexual innuendo or circulating a dirty joke by e-mail. People who are repressed at work day after day can’t just snap out of it right away and be ready for action as soon as they leave their office building. Leading that kind of double life is not easy, to say the least.
7. If you don’t use it, you lose it. A typical guy in San Francisco has two kinds of game: 1. internet game; and 2. alcohol game. He meets women on-line and in bars when he and the women he meets are drunk enough to not feel any pressure or anxiety when talking to a new. The need to beat the approach anxiety and initiate conversations with women is gone, and as a result the ability to approach women in casual situations is atrophied.
8. The guys in San Francisco have bigger egos than before. Too many guys in San Francisco have too much money. While sometimes it is translated into confidence with women, most younger successful guys develop a big ego that makes them act like women. They too act and look “cool” and unapproachable. They too wear sunglasses and headphones way too often, even when it’s completely inappropriate. They too don’t make eye contact and don’t even look at the women that walk by them. Knowing that in our culture looking at a woman with interest is considered a crime doesn’t help and further discourages them from checking wone out. It’s not wonder that the few women who are in touch with their basic feminine self and sexuality actually enjoy walking by construction workers and being admired by “real” men, even if those guys are not someone they would ever want to go out with.
9. Herd mentality. If only a small minority of women in San Fracisco acted unapproachable and stuck up, it wouldn’t be a big deal, but somehow, mysteriously, there appears to be a following of sun glassses / headphone wearing, constantly texting, preoccupied women who look and act the same in ways that make them look painfully unoriginal and bland – at least downtown.
10. Playing games. The idea of being a “challenge” when it comes to meeting and dating – acting unvailable on purpose and playing other kinds of known games has been marketed to both men and women. Although under very specific circumstances with very specific people, being a challenge might work to your advantage, in the vast majority of cases it does much more damage than any good, not to mention that most people today can smell any attempt to be a “challenge” from a mile away because it has been discussed and belabored in so many magazines and movies, and it no longer impresses anyone as an attractive quality. Trying to act busier than you really are doesn’t make you more attractive any more, but it only makes you look like someone who is not in control of his/her life and who has poor time management skills.