How Chest Beating Hurts You

okcupid-summary-chest-beatingIt’s not a secret that bragging/chest beating is one of the most favorite hobbies of SF’s inhabitants. From resumes and LinkedIn profiles to online dating sites – we love to talk about how wonderful, accomplished, and adventurous we are, and how we are overall God’s gift to this world. Add to this our pathological desire to demonstrate how happy and thrilled we are to be living our amazing life in SF, and you got yourself a stereotypical SF Fidi crowd.

While chest beating might help you sell yourself under some circumstance, especially to those naïve souls who would take your bragging at face value, it is far likely to hurt you in at least two significant ways:

1. Chest beating creates unnecessary pressure on you and makes you far more likely to disappoint others. When you talk about how wonderful you are and how good you are at what you do, you automatically create an expectation that you are that good, and if you don’t deliver exactly or more than you bragging suggested you could, you set the other side for being disappointed with you.

2. Chest beating hurts your credibility. When you are unable to deliver once specific thing you said you could, it will make people doubt everything else you say and promise to deliver. This surely won’t benefit you either professionally or socially.

A Lesson In Humility That We Are Yet to Learn in San Francisco

How is it that such distinguished, outstanding talents as Leonardo DiCaprio and Rafael Nadal show so much gratitude and humility, giving so much credit for their success to others, and yet the ordinary folk in SF walk around with their chins high up, thinking that being a part of some obscure cloud enterprise hamster wheel makes them so damn special…

Are You Overplaying Your Hand?

overplaying your handIn this great article about perception v reality, the author makes a point that must be more relevant to the San Francisco culture and attitude than to any other place. Being told all about how unattractive being insecure is, we move waaaay too much to the other extreme, not realizing that acting like you are more accomplished or more attractive than you really are, bragging all about how great you are, or otherwise overplaying your hand in any aspect of life doesn’t flatter you; it makes you look more ridiculous and obnoxious to anyone around you who possesses the most basic intuition and perception. Even though chest beating has been in style for quite a while now, it doesn’t make it an attractive quality.

Chest Beating 101

chest beating is a turn-offHave you noticed how people who expect the most from others are the ones who have the least to offer themselves? Just look at the women’s online dating profiles. The most accomplished and educated  women seem to say the least about how wonderful they are, and they rarely, if ever, write in the “if you are…. then I am not interested” kind of style. And, if a girl has a list of likes and dislikes, that’s longer than the hardware store inventory, then you can bet that her ghetto factor is pretty high, regardless of her race, and her pictures with pouty lips, fake tan, and whorish stance will further prove that.

Making it look like you have high standards is an easy way to mislead the audience into believing that you can match those standards yourself. The reality is that you can safely assume the opposite – she probably has nothing to offer, except the high expectations that she has from others in general and from men specifically. It’s like when one of the girls at “Jersey Shore” tells one guy she meets at a club that she is “classy.” One could only wonder whether she said it for pure entertainment of the viewers, or her mind was actually numb enough to believe that she possessed any traces of class.

Chest beating is one of the major red flags for me in people, and it’s a sure sign of self-centeredness, whoring for attention, validation and approval, and a reliable indicator of a deep sense of insecurity and desire to tell others that you have something that you actually don’t.  Above all, it’s a clear sign of lack of class. In women, chest beating is a boner killer. Well, if she is really hot, then her announcements about how “professional” and “independent” she is would reduce the erection half way (by about 45 degrees) until at least you can forget or learn how to ignore her self-serving clichés altogether when you hear them.

Chest beating and bragging is not only the domain of individuals. Sometimes, a country may be indulging in it as well. I have travelled around a few places in Europe and other places (am I chest beating now?), thoroughly populated by liberal, open minded people, and I am yet to hear the “It’s a free country” come-back even once anywhere except here, in the US. Is this yet another example of us overcompensating for something that we fear we don’t quite have yet or can’t quite match other places yet?

While Israel had a female prime minister over 50 years ago, Phillipines had one recently, and Brazil has one now – we are still talking about maybe, one day electing Hilary or the likes of her to be in charge of our nation. I haven’t heard either of those countries tell the world about how free they are.  One can only conclude that this is yet another testament that we feel inferior in the freedom department to countries that have already fully legalized gay marriage, light drugs, prostitution, light porn, and abolished death penalty, while we are still struggling with these and many other freedoms that have been taken for granted in other parts of the industrialized world for a decade or longer.