A Six Step Guide to Becoming a Certified San Francisco Beta

san francisco beta guys1. Grow up in an uptight, white family, where talking about sex is as inappropriate as showing any sexual interest in or appreciation for women’s beauty, and where commenting on a woman’s appearance is an insult to a female kind.

2. Go to the kind of high school and college where the gossip and other drama will lead you to having even more issues than you have already had before coming into that school.

3. Get a job downtown SF or in the South Bay in tech where you would sit in front of the computer for 16 hours or more a day, and where you would have little or no healthy social interaction beyond discussing work or having empty happy-hour conversations.

4. Go out on a few bad, boring dates with a few stuck up, “independent” career women,  who are preferably blondes who think they are God’s gift and who take 3 days to text you back, so you feel even worse about yourself, and start believing that all women are that bland, masculine, and uptight. Even better if they are completely unexcited about meeting you and grace you with a 30-min coffee “date”.

5. Immerse in the culture of low testosterone, where no guy (except some black guys) really checks out a girl, let alone tries to make a move anywhere outside of Tinder/OkCupid.

6. Agree with everything every girl says, concede to being wrong as often as possible, quietly wait for her unfounded outbursts to pass without calling her on her shit, when due, and become a devoted white knight in as many other ways as possible.

You Are Boring Her to Death (and She Does the Same to You)

boring-dateEveryone is fake. A smile no longer means anything beyond being a basic pleasantry, like “thank you” “nice to meet you” or may favorite – “lets do something sometime.” Just because she smiles, doesn’t mean she doesn’t think “when am I getting out of here,” or “what an asshole,” or both. He might be your typical SF douche or yet another tech beta.

Between your mind-numbing, lopsided job, dictated not by what you want and what you like, but by what market demands today, and drinks over small talk about nothing, you don’t have too many stimulating or funny thoughts or ideas to share with her beyond the most rudimentary gossip. Mainstream non-fiction and stupid comedies don’t make you more interesting. Talking about your traveling and skiing adventures isn’t all that impressive anymore. Everyone travels these days.

It’s time to raise your game before your brain perishes irreversibly. It’s up to you to figure out how.

Why the SF Sausage Fest Is Not Good News for Women

sausage fest san franciscoMany guys in SF might wonder how easy women have around here, given the male/female ration and given the sausage fest, brought about by the tech industry. However, this is not necessary good news. Allow me to elaborate. When men are many and women are few, men become more hungry and desperate on one hand, and less aggressive when they should make a move because of sheer lack of practice and because of fear of screwing up the very few chances they have with women.

As a guy, when you find yourself in a community with a more balanced male/female ratio, you know that if you make an inappropriate joke or handle some girl you met in a way that scares her off, it’s not a big deal, because there are enough other women around the corner and plenty of opportunities for you to start over with a new girl and try your luck again. When you know your choices are limited, you are going to walk on eggshells when talking to any woman because you know that if you screw up with her, it’s going to take longer to meet another girl. You are going to be more politically correct, more reserved, more passive and consequently – more boring, assuming that you aren’t boring in the first place. In other words, this will make all the tech nerds even bigger betas than they already are today.

The San Francisco sausage fest phenomenon is exacerbated by the fact that so many of the single guys are so accomplished professional and academically. While in other places, a guy who graduated from Cornell and who makes $150k would be a very attractive object of a woman’s attention because of the large % of the blue color guys and other less accomplished men around, in SF – ivy league diploma, six figure salary, stock options, and a golf club membership don’t really do anything to impress local women because so many other guys have that.

Until we build more hospitals, more schools and more social services offices that would attract humans of a female kind who also behave like women, to restore the male/female balance, guys are sort of screwed. On the brighter side – things could have been worse. SF could be as big of a sausage fest as San Jose. Let’s hope it doesn’t happen, at least not in the nearest future.

Beta Cafe


workshop cafe nerdsSan Francisco has a new concept – Workshop Cafe – coffee house and co-working space in one. It looks like a typical start-up office, and most of its customers are betas – nerdy white, Asian, and Indian guys who are consumed with coming up with the next big start-up ideas and their female assistants who pretend to be sooooo excited about whatever stupid shit they do.

I believe that “Beta Cafe” is also a more appropriate name for this establishment because it caters to those, who are just starting to develop an idea or a new business which is presently in fact in “beta”.  workshop cafe tech nerd

San Francisco is Home to Professional, Attractive Betas


Message to San Francisco Women:

They are lean but not mean. They have the fancy degrees and they make money, but they won’t “hurt” you. They won’t stare at you or objectify you – not in obvious ways anyway. They won’t hit on you unless you consider being “winked” at or “pinged” on a dating site as being hit on.  They like to poke, but mostly on Facebook. They are the “anything goes” kind of guys. These are the young professionals of San Francisco – aka certified Bay Area Betas. Feel free to talk to them or go out with them. You might be bored to death, but that’s the worst that can possibly happen. They won’t challenge you on much, so when you are with them, you should be at liberty to celebrate your domineering, feminist nature and run the whole show.

betas in San Francisco