In the spirit of utter hypocrisy, I stood in the dreaded Salt and Straw on Fillmore last night. Here are a few quick observations:
It took about 35 minutes to get to the ordering counter. I and my friend got in line at 10:15 pm (!). Standing in that line was even more embarrassing than I thought it would be. You just feel like you are publicly humiliating yourself on a residential block by loitering around for half an hour like an idiot with a bunch of other idiots.
I ordered rhubarb flavored ice cream. The flavor is interesting but the texture of an ice cream was awful. It’s like they took a rhubarb pie from Grove down the street and mixed it with the cheapest ice-cream possible from Safeway.
Surprisingly, the crowd is not what you would expect it to be considering the area. A few unappealing lesbians, a few nerds, and a few other sloppy looking weirdos and rejects. I didn’t see the typical Fillmore tech / douche crowd that you would see at Smitten just two blocks down. Speaking of Smitten – I like it so much better, but it looks like it has been really hurting since this Salt and
Shit Straw opened up. I really hope Smitten survives, because it’s clear a superior ice cream, even though it doesn’t say much consider how bad the other one is.
I knew that this was the one and only time I was going to go to Salt and Straw. And, this shop didn’t disappoint in disappointing.
But wait, it’s not all bad news. I also bought a chocolate bar, and it’s amaaaaazing (insert and inflection of a ditzy, teenage white girl). If you are a woman and you are reading this, I assure you that if there is a chocolate that can make you orgasm, this is it!! And if you are a guy, it might just give you a slight erection. I am speaking from experience.
Here is what happens when a local, low-key bakery gets national recognition.
Appetizer – a small, overpriced, oily, bland snack, devoid of any taste or nutritional value, mostly consumed to dampen the disabling effects of alcohol.
Battery Club will be exercising its fidouchery duties to both – it’s loyal members and mere mortals and this “upscale” foodie event.
The importance of food in one’s life (chefs and other culinary professionals excluded) is inversely proportional to their level of fulfillment and satisfaction from all the other aspects of life.
Having surrogate friendships and interests you aren’t that stoked about, and being involved with someone romantically who you aren’t that romantic about, will make you focus way too much on which restaurant to go, what appetizer to order, and which wine goes with what steak. You should know that you have a problem when talking about restaurants turns into a main topic of your conversation with anyone. And boredom itself is, of course, known to lead to overeating.
On the other hand, being truly in love and craving someone’s physical and mental company, or being really interested in anything or anyone and having their full, intense attention, romantic or platonic, will often make you lose interest in such mundane issues as where to go to eat and what to order. I just can’t imagine that a girl (or a guy) who is truly passionate about something or who is really in love, or both, would debate for an hour where to go to eat or will be writing out elaborate yelp reviews about some new overrated restaurant. She couldn’t care less. She has better things to do and better things to think about, fantasize and hope for than what type of rice of meat to stuff her mouth with.
If you have real friends, you don’t have to go to a restaurant every time you see them. You enjoy their company over coffee or simply sitting on the couch at your place or theirs. Sharing thoughts, ideas, opinions, interests, plans and even disagreements becomes so much more fun and fulfilling than sharing a plate of organic polenta or a pile bland salad.
When you are touched by real love, real friendship, or real any other real passion, the importance of pursuing fine dining becomes secondary at best.
The following poll suggests that there might be more to us than just a bunch of
pigs foodies, whose main interest and goal in life is stuffing their mouths with all the bland, overpriced and overrated that his city has to offer at the local restaurants. It appears that those who eat to leave lead by slight margin. But then again, if this poll had been limited to San Francisco only, the results would be much more disappointing. I would estimate 90% / 10% in favor of shameless gluttony.