This morning I had the pleasure of sitting right next to a date at the one of my favorite coffee shops to hate. The date started around 11:30 am (does it even count as a date) and I got a chance to hear every word. They were both in their early / mid thirties. Both looked attractive nice enough. Surprisingly the guy didn’t sound like a douche and the girl didn’t have an obnoxious voice that you would normally would expect in this part of town. Go figure. The conversation itself was not too hateable but it was soooooooooo boring. They touched on every single cliche topic you can think of – from starting with “where are you from?” and “what do you do?” to traveling, preparing for half marathon, hiking and rock climbing, Napa / Tahoe. It was literally the whole package. If cliches were stones, they definitely left no stone unturned.
The surprising thing is that the girl was very good at acting interested in that conversation. Maybe she was..? After all, why would she want anything other than that. I am not sure I know how that date ended, because about 30 minute into it, I just couldn’t handle it anymore and had to leave when it became unbearable – i.e. the conversation about favorite restaurants.
I also realized how annoying the word “cool” is when used to endorse or appreciate something, when repeated too many times. There is something so painfully casual about it. Here is just a random example.
- Did you grow up in the area?
- Yes in South Bay.
Today, I overheard one guy tell his friend that the night before he actually called the girl he matched with on Bumble. He claimed to have lost interest when she used the word “brother” in the following exchange:
He: lets meet tomorrow around 7
She: Sounds good, brother.
This sounds like such a petty thing to criticize. Yet, when I tried to put myself in his shoes, I couldn’t help but feel that using this kind of seemingly innocuous word is an antithesis to feminine behavior and manner of speaking, which would probably be just as big of a turn off to me. I just can’t imagine any woman I ever liked refer to me as “brother” at any point in our interaction.
I met up with a friend a few days ago who (a) has about a dozen job offers; (b) hundreds of friends responding to his Facebook updates and ready to hang out with him on short notice; and (c) a separate folder on his smartphone with just about every dating app that’s out there. I know for a fact that he has gone out on hundreds of “dates” off of those apps. He is beyond laid back. He doesn’t really expect anything from anyone. If he is not offered a job after a job interview, why would he care, if he has all these other offers. If a friend flakes on him last moment, why would it bother him if he can message tons of other people to hang out at that moment? And, if his date doesn’t go all that well, I doubt he will even remember her name the day after, considering his highly active pipeline.
For better of for worse this (type of) guy is invincible or immune from any type of social or romantic disappointment. I am pretty sure that after all this dating “experience” he is virtually incapable of falling in love and obsessing of any one woman. That’s a very safe way to live, which also so damn unexciting.
“always up for a drink”
– translation: I am really bored and emotionally unavailable due to going out on tons of pointless dates, because I really don’t have anything better, as it’s generally either that or Yoga, or… going to bed at 9 pm. I am also on my way toward becoming an alcoholic, or I am already one.
The women are just as confused with online dating, their “kind of single” life, and act like they are much more attractive than they really are. Of course, this clueless guy doesn’t help the situation by asking random girls out on a date instead of first establishing at least some type of conversation / connection to make them want to go out with him.
It was a very quiet evening as expected for one obvious reason. All the many singles, who are usually out, are way too embarrassed to be seen without a date / partner, so they would rather just hide. God forbid they put their social status in jeopardy.
Apparently, some of the female, jaded desperados had a galantine day celebration – this is when a bunch of confused girls try to make themselves feel better about being loveless. How cute.
A good friend shared a funny incident. He asked a girl to hang out. They agreed to meet for a drink or coffee or whatever a few days a later. She then sent him a calendar invite, which he kindly shared (below). I can’t think of a better way for a girl to make it absolutely clear to the guy that it’s not a date, because this gesture is so damn unromantic. Surely, a woman who has any hint of potential romantic interest in the guy will remember when and where she will be meeting him, because that’s something she will be looking forward to. Of course, the confusing Tinder / Bumble sausage pipeline can interfere, but not to the degree where she wouldn’t remember meeting a guy and making a connection in person.
A lesson to all: if you actually want it to be a date or hope it’s a date, for god’s sake do not send a calendar invite.
This morning a new reader sent me the screenshot below from what must be a dating site. He wanted to know whether he had a valid reason to be annoyed with the “What do you do?” question, as it appears in the message.
I have shared my annoyance with the “What do you do?” question on more than one occasion before, especially when it was the first question asked. However, I never realized that it sounds even worse and more lame when it pops up randomly and for no good reason in the middle of an otherwise normal conversation or a message. It just begs for one big WTF.