How To Clean Your Shoes After You Step Into (Human) Crap

human crap san franciscoYesterday, my somewhat significant experience in cleaning crap off of shoes came in handy and I would like to share my accumulated and highly relevant expertise in this highly specialized trade:

  1. Take off your shoes before you walk into your unit. There is no reason to leave skid marks on your floor, especially if it’s carpeted.
  2. Dip the sole of the shoe in question into the toilet carefully. Hold it in there for about a minute to let the crap soften a bit.
  3. Turn the shoe upside down while holding it right above the water in the toilet but inside the bowl, and start gently removing crap from the treads with a toothbrush after dipping the toothbrush into a hot water. Make sure that your movement is gentle, so that little pieces of crap don’t fly out of the toilet elsewhere.
  4. They say everything happens for a reason, so you better believe it, and use this incident as an opportunity to get a new toothbrush, which it’s probably time for you to do anyway. But… don’t give up on those shoes yet, just because they tasted an ounce of biodegradable SF goodness.

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