Salt And Straw – Thumbs Down

two fat girls at salt and straw

This view in front of me didn’t exactly enhance the experience either.

In the spirit of utter hypocrisy, I stood in the dreaded Salt and Straw on Fillmore last night. Here are a few quick observations:

It took about 35 minutes to get to the ordering counter. I and my friend got in line at 10:15 pm (!). Standing in that line was even more embarrassing than I thought it would be. You just feel like you are publicly humiliating yourself on a residential block by loitering around for half an hour like an idiot with a bunch of other idiots.

I ordered rhubarb flavored ice cream. The flavor is interesting but the texture of an ice cream was awful. It’s like they took a rhubarb pie from Grove down the street and mixed it with the cheapest ice-cream possible from Safeway.

Surprisingly, the crowd is not what you would expect it to be considering the area. A few unappealing lesbians, a few nerds, and a few other sloppy looking weirdos and rejects. I didn’t see the typical Fillmore tech / douche crowd that you would see at Smitten just two blocks down. Speaking of Smitten – I like it so much better, but it looks like it has been really hurting since this Salt and Shit Straw opened up. I really hope Smitten survives, because it’s clear a superior ice cream, even though it doesn’t say much consider how bad the other one is.

I knew that this was the one and only time I was going to go to Salt and Straw. And, this shop didn’t disappoint in disappointing.

But wait, it’s not all bad news. I also bought a chocolate bar, and it’s amaaaaazing (insert and inflection of a ditzy, teenage white girl). If you are a woman and you are reading this, I assure you that if there is a chocolate that can make you orgasm, this is it!! And if you are a guy, it might just give you a slight erection. I am speaking from experience.

alma chocolate bar


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