Some articles are so stupid, and they convey such a counterproductive and nonsensical message that they deserve an elaborate response. The article about the “logical” reasons to date a guy with tattoos is a vivid example of such stupidity. I will now list and analyze each reason mentioned in an attempt to thoroughly ridicule and undermine it:
1. He has that bad boy look — even if he’s reformed.
There are so many other cooler and more interesting ways to look like a bad boy than destroying your skin forever. How about buying a motorcycle? Or learning how to shoot a gun? Or getting a black belt in martial arts? Or joining the army?
2. He treats his life and body like canvases.
Canvases? That’s funny. To me it usually looks like clean skin turned into a deformed graffiti wall.
3. He’s committed.
Ms. Engle states that nothing says commitment like a permanent picture on your body. Hmm… let me try – how about getting an advance degree that requires being in school for 10 years? Or being married to the same person for 20 years? Or building a house from ground up? Or serving in Afghanistan for 2 years? These sound like they would require just a little more commitment than desecrating your skin. Nothing says commitment like committing to never having a chance at a real job.
4. He’s mysterious.
Give me a break. First, there are just way too many inked up idiots out there for tattoos to be a sign of any kind of mysteriousness. A sign of being lost, confused and neglected by parents? – maybe. But mysterious? Please. A desperate attempt to stand out in all the wrong ways isn’t mystery; it’s called following all the other inked up sheep, and that herd has been sadly growing way too quickly.
5. He doesn’t have a boring or conventional job.
Sure. Serving coffee or being a bike messenger forever sounds so much more interesting that analyzing financials or legal documents.
6. He can be impulsive.
Ahhh… yes. That’s one reason to stay away from him. Contrary to the author’s belief that this means that the guy isn’t afraid off making mistakes, this actually means that he doesn’t know what a mistake is in the first place.
7. He’s artistic.
That’s an insult to every half-decent artist who has ever lived or produced anything worthy of admiration.
8. He’s romantic.
Not really. He is lost.
9. He looks amazing in a short-sleeved button up.
He looks scary and sloppy.
10. He can take pain.
It’s not that painful.
11. He finds meaning in things.
No. He is looking for a meaning in all the wrong places.
12. He’s not scared of being imperfect.
He is dumb enough to make himself on purpose even more imperfect than he was before ruining his skin.
13. He’s honest about his past.
Unless he spent time in prison or at a forced labor camp, or at the very least – in the Navy, I fail to see a connection here.
14. He’s sensitive.
You don’t have to be or look like an emo to be sensitive.
15. He knows what he wants.
That’s exactly what he doesn’t know, and that’s why he resorts to such extreme yet meaningless self-mutilation.
16. He’s not afraid of a little color in his life.
Maybe he is seriously lacking in real color, and that’s why the color he has is skin deep.
17. He’s no stranger to controversy.
Tattoos no longer surprise, or let alone – shock anyone. They are just too commonplace to even be noticed these days, so it’s failure here again.
18. He wears his heart on his sleeve.
Why? Because he looks like a clown?
19. He’s been through sh*t.
Actually, no. He hasn’t been through enough shit. In fact, chances are that he has been so bored that he couldn’t think of anything better to do than making himself look like a cartoon character.
20. He opens up to strangers.
Of course. He is probably drunk and/or high most of the time.
21. He sees beauty in the obscure.
He clearly is capable. He even sees beauty where there isn’t one.
22. He has a history and a story worth listening to.
And a very interesting history indeed – being bored, spoiled, and mediocre and trying to do the most easiest, the most stupid, and the most ineffective thing to change that.
23. He doesn’t fly by social norms.
He very much does. He didn’t invent tattoos after all. He blindly joined that clan of other tatted idiots.
24. He’s amazing in the sack.
Another unsubstantiated generalization, hardly worth even considering.