A Six Step Guide to Becoming a Certified San Francisco Beta

san francisco beta guys1. Grow up in an uptight, white family, where talking about sex is as inappropriate as showing any sexual interest in or appreciation for women’s beauty, and where commenting on a woman’s appearance is an insult to a female kind.

2. Go to the kind of high school and college where the gossip and other drama will lead you to having even more issues than you have already had before coming into that school.

3. Get a job downtown SF or in the South Bay in tech where you would sit in front of the computer for 16 hours or more a day, and where you would have little or no healthy social interaction beyond discussing work or having empty happy-hour conversations.

4. Go out on a few bad, boring dates with a few stuck up, “independent” career women,  who are preferably blondes who think they are God’s gift and who take 3 days to text you back, so you feel even worse about yourself, and start believing that all women are that bland, masculine, and uptight. Even better if they are completely unexcited about meeting you and grace you with a 30-min coffee “date”.

5. Immerse in the culture of low testosterone, where no guy (except some black guys) really checks out a girl, let alone tries to make a move anywhere outside of Tinder/OkCupid.

6. Agree with everything every girl says, concede to being wrong as often as possible, quietly wait for her unfounded outbursts to pass without calling her on her shit, when due, and become a devoted white knight in as many other ways as possible.

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