“Why Aren’t Guys Talking to Me?”

why aren't guys talking to me

Voluntary sensory isolation at a bus stop on Sutter.

It’s funny that the same exact women in San Francisco who complain about not meeting enough (normal) guys do everything they can to make meeting them harder or impossible. By constantly wearing sunglasses, even when it’s dark, cloudy or even indoors, they virtually eliminate any chance of having a casual conversation with a guy. Such an interaction would usually require (1) an eye contact; and (2) a conversational ice-breaker.  The shades pretty much take care of the eye contact and the i-phone headphones “take care” of the conversation piece. In addition, by constantly texting she makes any guy feel like he would be interrupting her important business of updating her Facebook status.

These women might think that looking unaccessible somehow makes them “mysterious” or keeps the creeps away, but it also keeps the other, normal guys away. The question that they need to ask themselves is whether the price they are paying for looking isolated from the world is worth the benefits. I highly doubt it. We might think that we are very different from other animals, but in some of the most primal and fundamental ways,  we are very similar to pumas, zebras, and dogs in that when it comes to any kind of romantic or sexual encounter, eye contact is the embryo of any such interaction. It’s the very first step in any romantic encounter – whether it’s totally superficial and only lasts an hour or whether it’s a lifetime partnership, or anything in between. Animals can’t afford not having an eye contact as their mere survival depend on it. We have invented online dating, but this should not turn this dating crutch in to a wheelchair, exclusively relying on match.com and alike, which is … too bad.

8 thoughts on ““Why Aren’t Guys Talking to Me?”

  1. This is the classic example of hostile women whining about how they can’t find a decent guy after spending years and years and years pushing guys away. Be careful what you wish for…

    • Good point. I guess it’s easier for people to resort to defensive excuses about why their life turns out a certain way rather than look for a problem that they could and need to fix within themselves.

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  3. Heartiste had some good advice on breaking through to girls wearing headphones:

    “Address the iPod first and disarm it. Make a nonverbal gesture with your hand to your ear signaling the girl to remove her earpiece. That’s one way to unplug her so she can hear you. Another way is to simply talk loudly enough so that the girl will be able to hear you over the dulcet tones of Karen O. Most girls will unplug if they think someone is trying to talk to them.

    Opening girls who are walking down the sidewalk with iPods is more difficult. You’ve only got a brief window to catch her attention and she’s not going to hear you until you’re right on top of her. Nonverbally signaling her as you and her close distance is an option, but most girls are not going to remove their earpieces because some random dude walking toward them is gesturing for them to do so. You’d have to instead make strong eye contact and open your mouth as if you’re about to say something, as if you’re a tourist about to ask for directions. This is probably the most elegant way to cajole a girl to unplug so that she may fall victim to experience the full joy of your player charms.”

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  5. Only way SF will be warm again is if the tech bubble burst, everyone unplug for awhile, and learn how to look at people again. This maybe why SF is douchier than all the other cities right now. Because we pride ourselves in being at the forefront of technology. All that this is doing is conditioning us to be isolationists. We have relationships with our electronic devices more than we do with real people. And when we spend more than 2 hours with anyone, we are called clingy.

    Love your posts. Keep it up. And thanks for bringing to light the breakdown of human community in this city. But for now, ill have to unplug and talk to friends face to face 🙂

    • Thank you for your support, Yuji. And I totally agree. I don’t think this bubble is going to burst, in part because it might not actually be a bubble but a true “transformation” i.e. deterioration of going from paper and ink to tapping on buttons and from looking in each other’s eyes to looking at little screens, and so on. But if you do yourself and your friends a favor by unplugging every now and then and going to face to face, you make the world or at least the city a better place. 😉

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