Evolution of Female Coffee Talk in San Francisco – From Bitching about Drama to Running Inventory

woman running inventory about datingBefore:

Two girls would meet for coffee and bitch about their problems and emotions surrounding their dating situation or a relationship with one particular guy. They would discuss it from different angles, and they were seeking advice and support form each other during painful arguments or break-ups that they were going through.


Two girls meet for coffee and run an inventory of all the many guys who text them, comment on their Facebook pictures, follow them on Instagram and otherwise engage them in superficial, meaningless interactions that don’t go anywhere, as well as briefly mentioning a few 30-minute Match/OkCupid coffee/drink dates they have gone on recently. Your average FCH (Frigid Corporate Hamster) gets neither very excited nor very upset about anything or anyone. Why bother?

“Passionate” My Ass

Very few things deserve to be passionate about. When I heard during lunch today a girl say that she is passionate about her job – social media advertising – I almost gagged on an undercooked falafel piece I was rushing to swallow. Poor thing. She clearly doesn’t know what passion is. Hopefully, one day she will see the light at the of the tunnel of unfounded and undeserved excitement.

How to Waste More Time and Further Reduce Your Productivity and Mental Capacity SF Style

  • Continue spending at least 2 hours a day on Facebook, posting useless comments, trivial photos, and filling your timeline with utterly mundane updates;
  • Send at least 500 unnecessary, pointless text messages and gchat messages per day;
  • Refreshing e-mail every 10 minutes while at work, instead of doing the work.
  • Stare at your smartphone screen instead of the world around you at least 2 more hours per day, including during lunch and on your way to and from work;
  • Spend at least 3 hours a week at happy hours, drinking and talking about nothing with people you don’t really care all that much about;
  • Spend at least 30 minutes a day on the phone venting to your friend/s about how busy and stressed out you are by your soul-sucking job and/or dramatic boyfriend/girlfriend;
  • Spend at least one hour a week watching football/baseball;
  • Drive over three hours to hike for two hours at an area very similar to that which you can find 30 minutes away; 
  • Repeat all of the above till you completely brain dead. I promise you it will happen sooner than you think.

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