Why bother and try to be creative in the online dating world? Let’s face it – there is nothing new or different or unique about you no matter how many tattoos per piercing you disfigured your body with, so why bother and even think of standing out on OkCupid as a woman of exceptional value and wit. Stop it! Conforming and joining the herd is in more than ever before, and it is as easy as posting the template below with slight variations to your liking:
4 total: (a) A warrior yoga pose; (b) Rock climbing / fitness freak photo; (c) Photo near a very touristy spot such as Taj Mahal or Eiffel Tower; (d) Snowboarding photo.
I am a transplant from NYC / CT/ NJ who moved here (1-2 years ago) for an a-m-a-z-i-n-g job opportunity in (insert a name of an appropriate SF/Silicon Valley Tech sweatshop), and I love what I do (i.e. account management/sales or any similar position that requires too little brain and too much make-up).
I am really busy (i.e. super flaky and have poor time management skills, and I suck at returning phone calls / e-mails and tend to cancel dates on a short notice). I like to work hard and play hard (I go on an obligatory semi-annual hike to bond with my not so close friends).
I fell in love with SF and everything it has to offer (i.e. overpriced alcohol, greasy food, small talk, and all the other cliche things that the local sheep indulge in). My favorite hobbies are checking out new restaurants and bars (i.e. celebrating gluttony and binge drinking), hiking and yoga (because everyone else does it).
I am successful, independent (i.e. feminatzi), and ambitious (one a power trip).
6 Things I Can’t Live Without
I-phone (i.e. Facebook). I don’t really need anything else.
7. You Should Contact Me If
… you are God’s gift and looking for a female version of the same in order to celebrate bliss and immortality together.
See how easy it is?
“Mirror mirror on the wall, tell me who is the most narcissistic of them all. Tell me who can’t stop themselves from taking a million selfies, from attention whoring all hours of the day, from talking about themselves as if the sun orbited around their center, who exaggerate all accomplishments and brag about the most minor of achievements, who think running a 5k is a noble duty, who eat at fancy new restaurants as a way to brag to their friends, who look down on those who don’t have the right job or the right clothes or the right gadgets, who believe that the laws of human nature can be defeated with Botox and that they are the most unique snowflake of them all. Please tell me who this person is!”
I put those parts in bold which appear to me to be more relevant to San Francisco than any other place in our glorious nation.