Recently, I have attended two networking events that shared a weird vibe in common. On one hand, they were both advertised as singles events. One of them was called “single professionals” something, and the other one was for “singles between 25 and 35″. However, when I got there, I saw no effort whatsoever from anyone to be flirting or to show any romantic or sexual interest in others. In fact everyone acted in a very formal and reserved manner. Women were dressed up in a rather suggestive manner, as if they were going out to a club, and yet they acted like they were still in the office – strictly business. What’s the point of walking around in those high heels, showing that much skin and wearing that much make-up and mascara, if you are going to try to bring every conversation back to your stupid sales/finance/law/tech job. False advertising at its best.
I know that acting interested in the pseudo-liberal, allegedly free city of San Francisco is considered harassment, but I didn’t expect the social events, advertised as singles events, to be so lacking in the flirting department and be so focused on the where-do-you-work-here-is-my-business-card mind-numbing chat. What a buzz kill. Speaking of which – perhaps they should serve more alcohol, and that will ignite a little more spark among those painfully dull interactions.
Look at the description of the mixer below. Some of the language is in dire need of translation, and that’s where your not-so-humble IHTIA servant comes in:
* dynamic conversations – small talk, full of cliche what-do-you-do’s, where-are-you-from’s and where-do-you-live’s.
* idea-sharing – boring conversations about start-ups and technology.
* fun networking with new friends, partners or investors – tedious, forced, monotone interaction that can only be livened up with alcohol.
* drinks and networking – networking the drinks into the bloodstream.
There are three irrefutable forces that drive a typical American office workplace. They are at the core of the office dynamics of every white-collar enterprise in America in general, and in SF specifically. These are the primary factors that make the typical workplace so depressing:
1. Excessive Political Correctness & Sexual Harassment Policies
Our conversations at work rarely go beyond “How was your weekend?”, “What are you having for lunch?” and “It’s a nice day today”. No one wants to get in any kind of trouble by saying anything even remotely controversial. If you express any kind of opinion, you run the risk of rubbing a co-worker the wrong way. What if he disagrees with you? What if you make him feel uncomfortable and he runs to the management to complain? From there – the road toward animosity and back-stabbing is pretty quick.
The paranoia of offending someone by having an innocent sexual joke perceived as harassment takes the pathological political correctness to another level. Besides having to avoid saying anything meaningful when it comes to politics, religion and other “sensitive” topics, we also have to make sure that we, god forbid, don’t make it appear like we are sexual creatures on any level. Flirting and subtle sexual innuendos are banned. By having sanitized our workplace from any hint of sexuality, we make our workdays so much longer, and our workplace so much more dull, hopeless and depressing. A day free of flirting and subtle sexual play, even when sex is not the goal, is not a fun day, to say the least.
2. Ass Covering
This element is translated into refusing to take any responsibility and having others sign off on every important decision, in addition to blindly complying with all kinds of meaningless rules and polices. Being a mindless zombie is the way to go. Someone complained about harassment or discrimination? Let’s play it safe and fire the “harasser”, regardless of whether anything happened or not. It’s just safe to go that way, because it makes the company look good – it took “strong measures” to prevent harassment. Why bother and investigate too thoroughly? Who cares about the truth? It’s the perception that really matters; not the facts.
3. Fear of Losing A Job
Whether it’s being laid-off or being fired for a reason or no reason, or simply because the (new) boss in on a power trip, the lingering anxiety over losing a job is always there, in the back of our minds. Will my mistake at work be overlooked by the management, or will I receive a warning? And will that warning be just that, or will it be your typical one-foot out the door PIP?
Yep, it’s all your fault!
- You are the one who pushed women down for decades, so now you are “enjoying” the fruits of your labor – watching and suffering from how they desperately try to overcompensate for not having rights 50 years ago with corporate jobs and over-the-top masculine attitude, voices, and lifestyle.
- You are the one who owns real estate and who drove the rent prices up to make women struggle to make ends meet more than ever before, especially in large cities, making those women work 15 hour days and not have either time or energy to even think about meaningful romance and sex.
- You are the one who built cellphones and made women addicted and glued to texting, and being attached to their work e-mail 24/7. Don’t blame them for acting disinterested in the world around them and for ruining your chances at day game in most places.
- You are the one who built Facebook and Instagram to encourage women to become attention whores. It’s your fault that every fat, ugly bitch thinks she is God’s gift to this world and to the male kind specifically. You are the one who posts comments on her Facebook photos about how sexy she is, even if she completely lacking in any trace of sex appeal.
- You are the one who built Match.com, OkCupid, Tinder, and POF for women to be overwhelmed and confused with attention from way too many guys. Don’t complain that women can’t make plans with you and chronically flake.
- You are the one who tells women who you barely know how much you like or even love them just to get laid. Why are you surprised that they are full of themselves on one hand, and they are too jaded to trust you on the other hand?
- You are the one who came up with tattoos and piercing so that women can desecrate their body under the guise of being a rebel. Don’t complain that every other girl looks like the Girl with a Dragon Tattoo. You gave her the tools to look like a vampire.
- You are the one who stares at women everywhere you go without making a move, making them lose respect for you and your betafied ways.
- You are the one who created alcohol and delivered it to women to get them drunk and make them do things not because they really want to, but because their judgment is clouded or completely impaired.
- You are the one who created a mediocre educational system, where anyone with half a brain can get an MBA. You give out diplomas from “top” schools to those who wouldn’t even graduate from a mid-range high-school in any European or Asian country. Why are you surprised that women think so highly of themselves and their intellectual abilities?
- You are the one who is boring and who has nothing else to give except what you can buy with your money, so don’t blame women so much for being greedy and materialistic, and for caring how much money you have and what kind of car you drive. Perhaps once you have a few interesting stories, thoughts or jokes to share, and once you are able to go beyond small talk on your dates, things will turn around and your money won’t matter to her as much.
- You are the one who covered the vast majority of the populated land in this country with suburbs, forcing people to be isolated and drive everywhere instead of walking, taking public transportation, and running into random people when going about your day. It’s your fault that women are bored and they turn to online shopping and anti-depressants.
Stop blaming women for how fucked up they are. It’s all your fault.
26.2 days without alcohol. If it’s too much to ask, we can start with a half marathon of 13.1 days of total sobriety.
You have become all too used to being catered to no matter where you go. (800) customer support numbers that are there for you 24/7, generous refund and cancellation policies, waiters, hostesses and baristas kissing your ass, and that “customer is always” right bs have really gotten into your head.
Being treated like shit can really help you get over yourself and that repulsive sense of entitlement of yours, burst your little first-world bubble, and remind you that you are not all that, not to mention the fact that it can also be a turn-on. This is especially true if you are white.