As I was taking Bart this morning, I had the opportunity to observe a guy’s game in action. He was trying to talk to a girl who was sitting next to him. She was attractive and he was not bad looking at all – a well dressed, non-douchy looking gentleman in his later 30’s / early 40’s (go figure). No matter what he would say to her or what kind of witty observation he would make, she would just smile, say “yes/no”, nod and go back to texting. After 5-6 attempts to break the ice he finally gave up and went to texting as well. Assuming that the girl was single and available, that guy should still not take this personally. (I know, I know – it’s easier said than done). The reason for this behavior is simple. She wasn’t interested. No, no – I don’t mean in him. She wasn’t interested period.
How do I know?
Because when your typical girl in SF wants something, she spares no time, money or effort to get it. She would get up at 5 am to take a yoga or spin class. She would jump on a Google or Apple bus or drive for an hour for her 12 hour work day in South Bay ever day. She would break her knees training for a marathon. She would spend hours on posting photos on Facebook and crafting extensive reviews of restaurants on yelp. She would spend hundreds on dining at overrated restaurants, and she would not hesitate to pay $12 for a bottle of juice and $15 for a salad that has little more than a pound of lettuce in it. She would wait an hour or more to have brunch on Sunday. So, if she wanted something from a man – attention, affection, intellectual stimulation, touch, sex or all of the above – she would surely do what it takes to help the guy carry that conversation where it needs to go.
It’s no longer just street fairs that amount to nothing more than bad music, bad food, and bad alcohol, Will Ferrell and Ben Stiller movies and Reality Shows, and Facebook / Instagram that make it clear how much we love being, feeling and acting stupid.
Now there is an actual Preschool for Grownups in New York. This is a specific forum for sanctioned stupidity, immaturity and infantility for adults. I wonder who quickly the local SF sheep will be interested in having one here.
How many times has someone giggled while saying sorry when they mistakenly walked into your elevator when you were going in the opposite direction from they were going?
What’s the purpose of that laughter?
What’s so funny or amusing about interrupting your ride by whole 3 seconds?
Talk about being fake…
More of the same. “What do you do?”, “Where are you from?”, “Here is my business card. Let’s do something sometime.”
Translation: I am trying to pass the time and eliminate the awkward silence while I am here. Alcohol helps but it’s not strong enough for me to make this event tolerable. I will never see you or talk to you again, unless we run into each other at yet another pointless networking event.
All the guys are super PC. All the girls are whored up – tons of make-up and tight business clothes, ready to be bent over the office desk but most likely totally frigid, and besides- there isn’t one real man in sight, among all the nerdy pencil necks, who would take charge, and appreciate those women for who they are on the “inside”.
Good news. Desperate attempts to stand out are not necessary in order for you to be unique and different. So, hold off on that tattoo / piercing shop appointment, and don’t rush to color your hair blue. To be truly different and special in this city, simply consider not doing one or more of the following:
1. not doing yoga
2. not taking spin classes
3. not wearing yoga pants
4. not wearing bright neon Nike running shoes
5. not wearing tons of make-up
6. not being on the phone the whole time you are walking down the street
7. not texting the whole time you are walking down the street
8. not wearing sunglasses when you don’t really need them
9. not walking around with an Luis Vuitton purse
10. not walking around with a LuluLemon bag
11. not juicing
12. not going hiking unless you really want to
13. not going to Tahoe unless you really want to
14. not going to a Giants game unless you really want to
15. not taking uber
16. not drinking excessively
17. not being overly excited in public for no reason
18. not going on 20 minute coffee dates and expecting to be swept off your feet
19. not updating your Facebook and Instagram every day unless you are a celebrity
20. not looking so damn bitchy and stuck-up, unless you really are
21. not acting like you care about your job so much unless it involves saving the world or any of its inhabitants
22. not being so damn obsessed with dining unless you are a chef or are employed in the dining industry
23. not bragging about how accomplished and amazing you are
24. not acting like you are hot, unless you really are